On strength, independence, and pretending to know what you’re doing.

The other day I was told, “I admire your strength and independence. Not flattery.”

She genuinely meant it, and I’ve been reflecting on this ever since.

(This post is going to be reflective and a little whiney. I don’t blame you if you don’t wanna read it. It’s below the jump)

Information Overload and how to maybe overcome it

So I was thinking the other day and I came to a conclusion.

But first I’ll mention what I was thinking about: I see people in their thirties, fourties, etc. Older than me at any rate, and I speak to them, and they’re less intelligent than me, they know less than me, and I don’t feel I’m exceptionally intelligent.

And I just sit there and go… Wait what? How does that even work? I’m always reading, learning, researching new things, etc. I’m always improving skills, working on projects, etc. How can people waste their lives, being content with what they’re given?

I realised that people have never been taught to think for themselves, or had it beaten out of them by society or authoritative figures. The majority of people grow up, go to school, maybe do higher education, get a job, get married, have kids, work for their life and then retire. The end. In their free time they might go on the internet, read fanfiction, watch TV, waste their lives on social networking websites… Maybe go out with friends and kill some brain cells with mind-altering substances like alcohol or harder drugs.

And this is literally their entire life. How do people become so grey? Why don’t people take the initiative and go “I want to learn this. I will learn it now. Okay now I have learned it.” They just… don’t.

Do not pass go, do not collect £200. *TW: Abuse*

Do go home and resolve to be a decent human being.

Okay, so over the next few posts I’m going to talk about various forms of emotional abuse.

Bullying

Let’s start first by highlighting the fact that bullying in schools and workplaces and on the street is emotional abuse, and can sometimes be physical abuse too. It’s fairly widely accepted and ignored though, and then people wonder why the mental illness rates are so high these days.

Self destruction: Self harm vs Self Injury (TW for all)

Trigger warnings: Self Harm, Suicide, Self Injury, Abuse, Eating Disorders (numbers), Overdoses, Substance Abuse

Food

TW: Eating Disorders

Abuse and mental illness affects your perception.

This was inspired by a tumblr post I saw, stating that after being abused, the sky isn’t the same blue anymore.

Therapy, friends and our inner world.

We don’t trust therapists.

Not gonna lie. This post is going to be less on the helpful side and more on the “my life sucks, whine whine.” side. Sorries.

Anxiety – How to recognise it

I suffer from really rather bad anxiety. Crippling anxiety. I literally cannot function. I have panic attacks at leaving the house. I sometimes have such bad anxiety about leaving the safety of my blanket I don’t eat for days. I avoid social situations like the plague. I regularly panic when doing simple chores in case I get them wrong. It’s a good thing I have somebody to look after me…

Anyone with anxiety will have heard “You’re just being lazy” or similar. When you don’t want to leave your room because it’s scary out there, and there’s like a mental block which is like a mountain to overcome. It requires so much mental effort simply doing something like going to the shop, that you put it off. That isn’t laziness

Coping with abusive parents

Not physically abusive anymore, mind you. Dad used to get violent at us. Both parents still are emotionally abusive at me though.

Chop wood, carry water.

This seems to be true of damn near every situation I come across. The answer to most situations is either “Chop wood, carry water” or “Make good art”

It may or may not be obvious, but I thought I’d explain what each of these means.